Rules Updates.

166.) the official dance of Firkins is the Caramelldansen. you tube it, learn it, love it.*
167.) don't fuck with the people who prepare with your food.*
168.) the floor is lava.
169.) don't take down the streamers. we like them.*

The Official First Draft Of The Firkins Rules.

This is the list of the original 165 rules for Firkins dorm in Helser Hall, Iowa State University.
The asterisked rules are the ones we enforce. The rest are playful jokes, but that doesn't mean you don't need to know them.

The Official Rules Of Firkins

1. You do not talk about Tomjack.*

2. You do not talk about Tomjack.*

3. We are Firkins.*

4. Firkins is Awesome.*

5. Brawndo Party once a month.*

6. Football is to be watched every sunday and monday.*

7. No one is to be disturbed while playing any game of the video variety.*

8. Only Brad is allowed to yell at Halo.^1*

9. Haber is Beautiful.*

10. Brawndo is to be consumed only once 11:11pm has been reached, at which point, anyone with the intent of consuming said delicious beverage will crack their can and take a drink.*

11. Brawndo's got electrolytes.

12. Flush your godamn shit. No one wants to see that. This goes the same with urine.*

13. We're Evacuating.

14. JamesGodamnedTiberiusMotherfuckingKirk is the man.

15. Do not chug or take heavy sips. Make it last.*

16. Nothing with Nicholas Cage may be watched with any seriousness. At least 5 jokes per movie must be made at his expense.*

17. No snakes will be allowed on a plane under any circumstances.

18. Save second base. Fight breast cancer. (two hands for titties.)

19. Kakarot is epic.

20. Our power level has been increased to a level that is over the amount of 9000.

21. Our Midichlorians are off the charts.

22. My pokémans. Let me show you them.

23. Nobody fucks with a piranha.*

24. You can't stop us, we're on a mission from god.

25. Fuck that, I want purple.

26. Gimme my lightsaber. It's the one with “Bad Motherfucker.”

27. If you're from any other house, don't be.*

28. Pics or it didn't happen.*

29. ???

30. PROFIT.

31. Rule 31 is a lie.

32. WoW is the only MMORPG to be played.*

33. We all know Chuck Norris is awesome. Stop telling us.*

34. There is porn of it. No exceptions.

35. If there is no porn of it, porn will be created.

36. Watch what you do. Odds are it's someone's fetish. No exceptions.

37. WAKE THE FUCK UP ENOCH!*

38. I cannot allow you to do that dave.

39. If something goes wrong, Taylor Hickson did it.^2*

40. Don't mess with football.

41. It's never Lupus.

42. One does not simply walk into Beardshear. There is great evil there that never sleeps.

43. It was brad in the den with the Halo disc.

44. I don't need to capitalize SHIT.*

45. Zombies B4 Hoes.*

46. Taylor LaBresh must achieve the Zombie Genocider achievement before purchasing L4D2.*

47. When the Triffids come, close your eyes.

48. Tribbles are outlawed. They cause too much trouble.

49. Everyone mourns for Adonis.

50. I've had enough of these motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking planes.

51. Ken Johnson is blacknot.*

52. Watch the fail.*

53. No shirt, no shoes³ (no pants) no problem*

54. the only thing they can hurt is my feelings.

55. Zerg is a bitch.

56. ZERG RUUUUUUUUUUSH!

57. Americah.

58. We demand shrubberies.

59. It's just a flesh wound, you're not dead yet.

60. Less QQ more pewpew.*

61. Your weapons cannot harm me, don't you know who the fuck we are? We're firkins bitch.

62. You don't need to load it, we did that shit for you.

63. Shoot 'em in the head!

64. This is

65. Spartaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

66. Kill all the jedi.

67. You don't have time to smoke a bold, jump gypsy.

68. Punctuation is for people who have periods.*

69. Heh.*

70. There are only 10 types of people: those who know binary and those who don't. Be the kind that does.

71. Don't ever break your heel off in someone's head.

72. Your name is now DSTEW.

73. Pour some out for NES.

74. It's called Whizzisky.

75. The Firkins den: never will you find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy.

76. Let the wookie win.

77. The cake is a lie.

78. Graffiti should be indifferent.

79. Nobody beats the Kobayashi Maru, and nobody goes back for seconds, let alone thirds.

80. It's too late to 'pologize.

81. It's not too late, it's never too late.

82. ^^vv<><>BASTART.

83. contra is fucking hard.

84. Snakes have a dexterity of at least 20.

85. any hole that is made has been made by the Koolaid man.

86. If you see me running, try to catch up.

87. If someone is shooting, shoot in the same direction.

88. Just fucking go for it.*

89. Spoiler alert: Jesus Dies.

90. Fire weapons will always own ice armor.

91. No academic work shall be performed during a Brawndo party.

92. Mutton chops are awesome.*

93. Shit happens, stop whining or i'll call the whambulance.*

94. If you spill, you must admit you have a “drinking problem”

95. It's not gay unless there's eye contact.

96. Live in the now wayne.

97. I'm not your buddy, friend.

98. I'm not your friend, guy,

99. I'm not your guy, buddy.

100. Repeat.

101. Dalmations.

102. Blamestorming is legit.

103. Don't kill kenny, nobody likes a bastard.

104. Everyone, however, loves mudkips.

105. Don't fuck with firkins.⁴

106. Don't ever be An Hero. Just don't look into it.*

107. We're here to fuck shit up.

108. Don't ever joke about zombies. They'z serrous bidness.*

109. Any crazy animal hybrids must be photographed and posted upon the door of 4820. Rewards will be given in the form of win.*

110. Everyone plays THE GAME.

111. Beware of dawg.

112. If god gives you lemons, you find a new god.

113. Don't stand too close to a naked man.

114. We win at things you're not even supposed to win at.

115. Because you can't drink a car battery.

116. Nobody is above the rules.

117. If the recycling bins are full, punch dstew in the face.(dick)*

118. go to nice steve, not dicksteve.

119. Nobody likes a: negative nancy, debbie downer, pessimistic patty or kelly bitch.

120. All aliteration always allows awesomeness and amazing acrobatics around firkins.

121. Puke in the can, not in the floor plox.*

122. We have an elevator, don't tell anyone.

123. LOUD = TASTY.

124. Don't ever clockblock.

125. The naked man works 2/3 times.

126. It's today, all day.

127. Unicorns will henceforth be referred to as rhinocehorses.*

128. If you're in the room, the door must be open.^5*

129. He who must not be named is a beast. (see rule 1.)*

130. he who must not be named will henceforth be known and referred to as such.*

131. Highfive fridays must be adhered to.*

132. Hugs will now be known as “brograbs”*

133. jesus says don't be a dick.

134. There is 100 porns of it. No exception.

135. Come with me if you want to live.

136. Always choose the red pill.

137. No spoons will be allowed to exist.

138. Paper can be punched through with rock.*

139. Irl teabagging is not allowed.*

140. Go outside once in a while brad. Take a halo break.*

141. Guitar hero talent is no replacement for musical talent.

142. Respect the athoritah of our rules.

143. There are an unlimited number of rules. You are expected to memorize every rule. Quizzes will be handed out each thursday at 11:12 after the brawndo has been opened.*

144. CGI is not a replacement for plot. This rule only applies for George Lucas.

145. George Washington is better than anyone you can think of. No exceptions.

146. British signs are cooler.

147. Stop, It's the claw.

148. Our president says it's a trap.

149. Rick Astley is an acceptable substitute for any requested media.*

150. In pertinence to rule 149, no member of this dorm will ever give up, let down, run around and desert, make cry, say goodbye to, or tell a lie to hurt any other member.

151. Until you go to sleep, it's not the next day unless the sun rises.*

152. Don't say lol, unless you lol.

153. Do your homework brad.*

154. Get some.*

155. The last rule listed will always be “we got this” regardless of any whining.*

156. Awkward moment: take another drink.

157. Any time someone utters the phrase “this shit is bananas” you must respond by spelling the word bananas.*

158. Speed up clearing the runways, because his ass is coming in for a landing.

159. If it's not red, it's not a barn.

160. They're not outfits, they're interstellar space suits.

161. In the case of arguments, Star Trek and Star Wars are to be considered equal in quality.*

162. Any unsolvable arguments will be settled through thunderdome.

163. If any of these rules should be broken, the violator must donate to the Brawndo fund one coin or bill from their possession.*

164. These rules are updated constantly. If you do not see a rule that you think should be up, let Taylor LaBresh know via the “requested rules” sheet on his door.*

165. We got this.*

Footnotes:

1. 50% of brad's halo time must be spent yelling loudly.

2. Taylor blames Canada.

3. Fuck shoes.

4. Or Haber.

5. This is the only rule with exceptions, those being: naked time, sleep time, pron time, ladyfriend time, enoch time, homework time, drink time, fire time, and shitty music time.